We have been learning to hook in the reader when we write about our memories - recounts.
Read these examples and see if they work. Make a comment but remember to keep it
- POSITIVE
- THOUGHTFUL
- HELPFUL
Miss Cowsill
Karisa
As if it was as hot as the sun, my skin started to feel burnt like a piece of toast. It was the fire display at Auckland Museum.
Kip
I was so scared when it happened. I was so scared to go on the rainbows end roller coaster.My heart was beating like a drum.
Hana
Motorbikes were zooming past me I was scared out of my scull.
I was at Muriwai beach this year to be good at riding and to have fun.
Damar
Staggering down the hill shivering with fear, sweat sliding down my chin….
It was February when I was 5 with mum and I was really shy and excited but ready to learn .
It was my first day at Ponsonby Primary school.
Aleeza
It all started after school. Where's dad? Where's dad? I shouted to my older sisters, Myiesha and Maha. Suddenly. I saw a face. Is it dad? I went closer.
Jackson
Suddenly Bang,Crash my friends helped me to the sick bay. I was in the most pain that I was in the most pain that I had been in before. It was last year when I was running around the school .
Evie H
I’m going to get it! I’m going to get it ! I chanted silently. I was at the park with my family . Mum was watching my little 3 year-old brother “Luca”. I was only six and one of my friends Jaden had dared me to jump to the 3rd bar.
Hamish
I was at a carnival and I saw a what look like a gzillion kilometre high tower. I heard people screaming from the height and going down so fast. I saw the people lining up from top to bottom
we have been learning too hook the reader in by starting from the most exciting part in the story. Then we go to the boring stuff e.g.who,what,when,where,why
ReplyDeleteI really like the way Evie H did here hook its is amazing Evie
ReplyDeleteOH Oscar Hoare
Aleeza I really like the way you put really good words in there. KS
ReplyDeleteAleeza I really like the way you put really good words in there. KS
ReplyDeleteKarisa-I like the way you felt and how you described every single moment that was happening at the time.NEXT TIME tell us who when and why.Kip
ReplyDeleteI like the way Hamish described what he saw but you could youse much better sentence starters instead of I
ReplyDeleteOH
Jackson I like the way you started with " suddenly bang crash".
ReplyDeleteNext time you should write " my friends helped me to the sick bay in another place.
Damar Endarto
hamish - i like the way you told us what you thought you saw and next time you could do the who when where what why ok. Jack D
ReplyDelete